Downtown as Fruits/Transcript
(The episode opens with Arnold daydreaming about surfing on a surfboard, until the daydream ends.) ;Helga Cut, cut! Hey Arnold! ;Arnold Huh? ;Helga Get off the stage! (the kids laugh at Arnold) this isn't your scene! ;Arnold Oh, yeah. Sorry. ;Helga Amateur. OK, let's pick them up from the dance of vegetables. a 5, 6, 7, 8... (the bell rings) Not so fast. ;Harold Come on, Helga. We know our lines. ;Helga Know your lines? Of course you know your lines. But I don't wanna just hear your lines. I wanna hear what's in your souls! ;Curly Do vegetables have souls? ;Helga That audience expects foods with feelings, and that's what we're gonna give 'em. Iggy, what's your motivation? ;Iggy I don't know. I'm a utensil. ;Helga Stinky, what's in your character's guts? (Stinky passes out) I thought so. You guys all bite. OK. Here's the deal. I want every kid here a half an hour early so we can do another run-through. If anybody's late, they're gonna have to answer to Old Betsy. (the scene cuts to the boarding house where Arnold goes inside to change into his costume for the play.) ;Monkeyman I'm Monkeyman! (Arnold comes out dressed up as a banana and Gerald dressed up as a strawberry.) ;Gerald Fruits! We had to be fruits! Why couldn't we be in the bread group, or beverages? I could've been a grape soda. ;Arnold Yeah, well we're fruits. And let's hurry or we'll miss the bus! ;Gerald Slow down! This strawberry really chafes. (they get to the back of the bus) ;Gerald Man, this is humiliating. ;Arnold This is nothing. In a few hours, the entire student body will be laughing at us. (the bus stops) I can't believe we have to do this. For Helga. ;Gerald I know. It's not fair. But there's nothing we can do about it. Nothing. Unless... ;Arnold Unless what? ;Gerald Let's just say we forgot to pull that cord, and we didn't get off at this stop, or the next stop, or the next! Hey, by the time we'd get back home, the play would be over. ;Arnold No, we couldn't do that. It would ruin the play. ;Gerald Well was it right for Helga to make fun of you during rehearsal? ;Arnold Well, oh, Gerald we gotta stop. We can't ruin the play. (Arnold tries to pull the bus cord, but lets it go at the last second then the bus passes P.S. 118) ;Arnold Well, maybe one more stop will be OK. (The scene fades to the rehearsals) ;Helga People, people! (she claps twice) Now remember, a play has a life of it's own. It's got to breathe. Every food group must build upon the group that came before it. First, the legumes. ;Peapod Kid Legumes? I thought we were beans. ;Helga You are, Genius! Then the meats, lusty and powerful. Then the fruits, they're... (notices Arnold & Gerald are not there) Hey where are the fruits?! ;Phoebe They're not here, Helga. They never showed up. ;Helga What?! ARN-OOOOOLD! (Meanwhile back on the bus) ;Arnold Did you hear something just now? ;Gerald No. ;Arnold Hey, how far does this bus go anyway? ;Gerald What difference does it make? When it gets the end of the line, we'll just ride it back again. The journey is the destination, man. ;Arnold What's that mean? ;Gerald I'm not sure. I heard it in a hippie movie. (the bus engine shuts off) ;Arnold Hey what's going on? (they get off the bus) ;Gerald Aw man, this is the end of the line. ;Arnold You and your hippie movies. Does this mean...? ;Gerald Yeah, we're stuck. ;Arnold Downtown. ;Gerald As Fruits. ;Arnold Now what? ;Gerald Hmm. I know. We'll call my Mom & Dad. They'll come pick us up. ;Arnold Good idea. (they try to call his parents, but the pay-phone cord is cut.) ;Gerald Great, just great. ;Arnold Well, at least, let's get rid of these costumes. ;Gerald Uh, I can't. ;Arnold Why not? ;Gerald I didn't wear anything underneath. ;Arnold You didn't wear anything underneath? ;Gerald Well, polyester makes me sweat. ;Arnold OK, so you have to stay a strawberry. ;Gerald Arnold, this is serious. We're stuck downtown, I'm a strawberry, and we don't have any money! (a car comes up and throws them a bag) ;Morrie Here you go. ;Arnold What's this? ;Morrie You know what it is. Just take it. (they open up the bag and find some money) ;Arnold Wow! People downtown sure are friendly. ;Gerald Let's go. (Arnold and Gerald leave, then two men dressed like them come) ;Vic He's two minutes late. (they go to Roscoe's Funky Rags, and change their costumes, except Arnold has on his banana-shaped shoes.) ;Gerald You were right, Arnold. Those shoes really pull your look together. ;Arnold You hungry? (they stop at Gino's Souvlaki Shack) ;Gerald Does Souvlaki cover the four food groups? ;Arnold Who cares? (they share a laugh. The scene cuts to the play) ;Harold : I'm a steak, juicy steak, full of fat and protein; ;Eugene : I'm a ham, you know I am, and if you keep kosher, I'm not in your routine! ;Helga : Psst! Psst! Stretch! Stretch! I can't believe this is happening. Do you know how hard I prepared for my role? I ate nothing but dairy products for two weeks! If I ever get my hands on that Arnold I'll, I'll... (She takes out her locket with a picture of Arnold on it) Soothe his fevered brow. Oh, my poor lost sweetheart, how I love you. (we hear a crash, Harold is on top of the audience.) And yet I hate you! And yet I love you. And yet I hate you! And yet I love you. (She is interrupted by Brainy's breathing, and she punches him in the nose. Now we cut to Ernie's Pool Hall where we see Arnold and Gerald dancing on the pool tables.) ;Arnold Hey, waiter. Sodas for everyone. (the customers cheer) Rack 'em again, fat man. ;Vic Whaddya mean you gave it to the wrong banana? ;Morrie Um... ;Vic What did this other banana look like? ;Morrie You know, kinda small, kinda yellow, banana shoes... just like those. Hey! ;Vic Hey, you two! (they chase Arnold and Gerald, until they make a getaway at Zamboni Jones Psychic Palace) ;Zamboni Jones Who enters the realm of the Great Zamboni? ;Arnold Uh... I'm Arnold. This is Gerald. ;Jones Wait, wait! You're... you're Arnold, and... Gerald. ;Gerald Good guess. ;Jones Ha! Zamboni Jones does not guess, he knows. You have come to me with a problem. ;Arnold Yeah, we came downtown and at first everything was great. But... now it's all... gone wrong. ;Jones There is a disturbance in your karmic energy field. Hmmmmm.... is there someone you may have harmed in the past? Hmmm? Someone you may have wronged? (Gerald thinks in his head then we see...) ;Helga (Crying) My play! My play! My beautiful play! (she hits her head on a light pole as he says it. Then cut to reality.) ;Gerald Nope. Can't think of a soul. ;Arnold Gerald! You gotta be kidding. Think of Helga and her play and all the kids at school we're letting down. ;Gerald What's your point? ;Arnold Ugh... Come on, we got a karmic energy field to fix. Bye, Mr. Jones, thanks. ;Jones Hey, where's my $3.50? I should've foreseen this. (then they hail a taxi and go back to Roscoe's Funky Rags and get their costumes out of the dumpster, then they get back into the fruit costume, then they stop to give money to a family fixing a car.) ;Woman Wow! People downtown sure are friendly. (then they make their stop at P.S. 118.) ;Helga I'm ruined! Ruined! My future as a playwright is over! (Phoebe looks at Helga with tears in her eyes) ;Helga (clears throat) Ladies and gentlemen, ...there will be a small change in the fourth act. We won't be having it. It seems that some of our food groups are not as dedicated as the rest of us. But the show must go ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! ;Arnold, Gerald and the rest of the kids It's fruits, it's fruits, that really makes us toots; It's fruits, it's fruits, that give us all a hoot! It's not like other food groups aren't important; In fact, you need us all to make your fingernails and eyes and organs- It's fruits, it's fruits, you have to have your fruits; That's what the folks with scurvy say; 'Cause it's fruits, us fruits, that really makes us sing; (Arnold holds the last note) ;Helga Wait until I get my hands on you, Arnold, you... beautiful creature. ;All This is the end of our play! (Helga frees her head from her costume, then Brainy releases the curtain rod and Helga is given a bouquet of roses) ;Helga (sigh) Category:Downtown as Fruits Category:Episode transcripts